Living la vida gringo
The simple Truths of, and the rules for, living the gringo lifestyle
- Being called a gringo, Ain’t an insult to a true gringo
- everything tastes better with hot sauce, piquante sauce, salsa, pico de gallo or guacamole
- the bigger your hat, the better
- a day old beard is too short
- texas is the only suitable place for a gringo to live
- worn out boots are just broke in good
- tex
- san Antonio
- jalapenos in large quantities are a great laxative
- milk is for kids
- a pickup is the gringo station wagon
- long sleeve shirts are the only shirts worth wearing
- a poncho doubles as a sport coat
- Sangria, period… no reds, whites, zinfandels or pinot grigio’s
- Goats are lawn mowers that you don’t have to push and they also fill their own gas tanks... get some
- Water from the rio grande
- The texas tornadoes are the only band
- Augie meyers is king gringo, shawn sahm is “king in waiting”
- a conjunto accordion is a required instrument to start a band
- Gringo isn’t Texan or Mexican, it’s gringo
- Refried beans are good on toast, with piquante sauce, pico de gallo, salsa, or some kind of hot sauce
- Only knowing every other word in Spanish is normal and expected.
- Make sure Your belt is always filled with bullets
- Chili has no beans
- Facial hair or stubble of some kind is gringo chic
- A texican is the offspring between a gringo and a Mexican
- a trailer standing in a mesquite thicket is A gringo villa
- dogs always wear bandana’s
- acceptable names for children are taco, bubba, tex
- faded, worn out jeans, preferably wranglers, if not, levi’s are the only substitute
- walking shorts are old camo jeans, cut off just above the knee, with broke in boots or a comfortable pair of sandals
- a stuffed armadillo makes a good door stop
- keep plenty of masa, no store bought tortillas
- taco bell is not gringo food
- a very sharp knife is a good razor
- pickups only, your hat won’t fit in a car
- windows down in august, air conditioning is only used when it’s actually hot
- black, brown and sage green are the only three colors on the gringo color wheel
- a gringo savings account is a trash can filled with empty lone star beer cans
- old texas tornado tee shirts are gringo womens night gowns
- target practice is therapy
- the mullet is the gringo hairstyle, but a braid and a clean poncho are mandatory for formal affairs
- extra kitchen matches can are located by the toilet
- tattoos of mama and texas only
- crying is accepted during the “national anthem”, “the eyes of texas” and the hug scene in slingblade
- praying to jesus is considered masculine, ok and encouraged
- get married at the Alamo and have your reception at the riverwalk
- the only framed objects on the wall are texas maps, a picture of your gringo girlfriend and heros of the Alamo
- a flea market is the gringo’s department store
- if you can’t stand the heat in texas, north bound I35 is a great alternative
- a worn out tire is a tomatoe planter
- “Siesta”, in Gringo, translates to lazy or unemployed
- Cheese, saltine crackers, potted meat or spicy Vienna
- Boiled eggs are a great snack and first course appetizer
- The dallas cowboys and no other team, not even houston
- Lard, no vegetable oil
- A gringo’s dentist is a pair of pliers
- Always use Poblano peppers instead of green bells in fajitas
- When in doubt, fry it
- Chickens are pest control and supper
- Yeah, its hot in Texas
In Minnesota , Wisconsin and the Dakotas
- no slippers, go barefooted in the house
- the edge of a door makes a good back scratcher
- IF IT’S NOT RAINING, GRILL SUPPER
- IF IT iS RAINING, GRILL SUPPER under a tarp, no umbrellas, they’re for sissies and men that live in dallas
- Nothing gets planned on opening weekend of deer season, except hunting
- The truck bed is a mobile dumpster
- Bacon bits are great on donuts and honey buns
- Fishing is perfectly acceptable on the first date
- No snoring in church
- Cowboys are closely related to gringos on the evolutionary scale, treat ‘em with respect
- No cussin’ in front of mama
- If you can’t pick up your new bride, leave a wheelbarrow on the front porch before the wedding
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